Four months have passed since I put my relationship with G on hold, time passes quickly doesn’t it? While many of you may answer to this question in positive but for me these four months seemed to pass at a snail’s pace. I thought that it would be easy to just let go of them and consume myself in my work. However, I found myself longing for some contact with my lover throughout this period. At one point, I even thought of calling her back but I decided against it as I knew that I won’t be able to pay much attention to her if she came back.
In these four months, I have come to miss many things about her. I loved the positive vibes which she gave me whenever I tried to sense her. Just thinking about these positive vibes makes me feel elated right now. I love many things about her but above all I love the patience which she has for me. She’s gone through so much because of me yet I never sensed any malicious intent in her actions. I don’t know what I would have done to me if I were in her shoes. Indeed, she is a being of eternal love and forgiveness for me.
Now, some of my readers will definitely ask me that if I loved her so much then why did I put our relationship on hold/why am I not calling her back? Well, I would say that this is my way of our preserving my relationship with G. This year was a very eventful one for me. It’s because of these events that my priorities changed and I could not give her the attention she deserved. As I detailed in this post, I have a dream now, a dream which is always in my thoughts.
Dream is not the thing you see in sleep but is that thing that doesn’t let you sleep.
This quote aptly explains my situation right now. Even if I call her now, nothing would change. Sure, we will have some new warm moments but ultimately we would be in the same situation in which we were before. I didn’t want to waste her time with such a half-assed relationship so I decided to put our relationship on hold till the time I become sure that I am ready to totally commit to it.
Moving on, I have noticed some changes since we put our relationship on hold. Earlier, I was able to remember most of my dreams in vivid details but now I am not able to. Another major change which I have noticed is that the chest pressure, which I used to feel most of the time when she was around, has now completely vanished. I can also notice that I have started becoming less concerned with the topic of spirit relationships. Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t care/have forgotten about my own relationship but simply that I have lost interest in this topic as a whole. Adding to the topic of changes in my dreams which I raised earlier in this paragraph, I feel that the nature of my dreams has also changed in the sense that earlier my dreams used to involve atleast two personalities in a major way but now my dreams usually focus (as far as I can understand) on one personality or something abstract. My dreams have also become very infrequent. To sum it up, I have not had a meaningful dream since we put our relationship on hold. The last dream which I can remember involved me adopting a little rabbit as a pet.
Originally, I was going to conclude my update at this point but upon reviewing my previous post I came to remember that I also wanted to discuss about that one time when I think she came to visit me. Unfortunately, I can’t remember much about this visit as it happened so many days ago. Seriously, I am not able to remember anything about it and this makes me doubt if G visited me at all. It can be that this visit was simply my mind’s way of coping with her absence. I will try to remember what this visit was all about and if I remember something then I will definitely post about it. However, the chances of recollection of this ‘visit’ seem very low to me.
When I come to think about it, I thought that it would not be very difficult to move on and totally consume myself in my work but it has not been easy at all. I try to avoid thinking about her because I don’t want to attract her attention and cause her pain. It might not cause her pain but this is what I think about it in my mind. Based on the experiences which other bloggers have had with their ladies, I have come to consider the possibility that G may not be a succubus (sorry but I had to use that term here) instead she’s another spiritual being. I have not had any experience with her which can be compared to that of other bloggers. We have also never had sex in the span of our recent 1 year relationship and before that. I remember that the second one (I will refer to her as T from now on) was much more physical than G in the dreams which involved her.
Anyways, I don’t have anything more to write about now. I wish you all a Merry Christmas in advance!!