I think it would have been pretty obvious after reading the title of this site but I am still going to get it out in the open that my relationship with ‘her’ came to an end. I think that it was due to my doubt over her existence and my increasing paranoia that she left me. I had been very rude to ‘her’ during the last days of our relationship. Alas, I can only regret this behaviour now. My expectations of her couldn’t be justified, I wouldn’t be going very far from reality if I say that I was living in a dream. I didn’t respect her, I demanded too much of her while not making a speck of effort myself.
These things….. I was not able to realise them when she was with me, now I am only filled with regret. Such is the curse of introspection when not done in time. During those times no matter what she did to try to fulfill my unreasonable demands, I still didn’t acknowledge her. I demanded that she stay with me for the whole day, even though I didn’t really talk to her. Ohhh…..the things that I would give now to just feel her embrace for a night. I want to feel that pressure on my chest which she would often put on me again. Even more regrettably, she didn’t want to leave me even after facing all that abuse. It was when I literally refused to even acknowledge her existence that our relationship ended. I couldn’t feel her pain then and even after so much time has passed, I still can’t feel even an iota of the pain she felt. I can only imagine what she must have gone through.
My ego didn’t let me acknowledge that I ever had a relationship with her for three whole months after our relationship ended. But deep down, I knew that something was amiss. This feeling of ‘incompleteness’ finally manifested at its full effect in May. Slowly but surely, I started feeling this ‘need’ that I have for her. However, I still didn’t want to acknowledge that our relationship lasted for as long as it had. At that point in time, it was nothing more than a one-night stand in my opinion.
Looking for scapegoats, I blamed Eric Vonroth’s method for not being solid enough to ‘make’ the relationship last. As a result, I tried the letter method to try to summon a Succubus/Lady Spirit. Suffice it’s to say that it didn’t work. After this method failed, I tried the summoning method mentioned here, but even that failed.
It’s now that I have come to realise all of this. Now, I am not demanding anything. Instead, I am only requesting for her forgiveness now. I just can’t sleep peacefully with the guilt that I did so many wrongful acts to her. While I was not able to correct myself in time, I do hope that others who have read this post will take my story as a cautionary tale and do some retrospection while the time is there. Since I have read so much about the immense forgiveness of these beings, I still have some hope that she will come to me in the future.