I just updated my background information post, please do check it out.
I think it would have been pretty obvious after reading the title of this site but I am still going to get it out in the open that my relationship with ‘her’ came to an end. I think that it was due to my doubt over her existence and my increasing paranoia that she left me. I had been very rude to ‘her’ during the last days of our relationship. Alas, I can only regret this behaviour now. My expectations of her couldn’t be justified, I wouldn’t be going very far from reality if I say that I was living in a dream. I didn’t respect her, I demanded too much of her while not making a speck of effort myself.
These things….. I was not able to realise them when she was with me, now I am only filled with regret. Such is the curse of introspection when not done in time. During those times no matter what she did to try to fulfill my unreasonable demands, I still didn’t acknowledge her. I demanded that she stay with me for the whole day, even though I didn’t really talk to her. Ohhh…..the things that I would give now to just feel her embrace for a night. I want to feel that pressure on my chest which she would often put on me again. Even more regrettably, she didn’t want to leave me even after facing all that abuse. It was when I literally refused to even acknowledge her existence that our relationship ended. I couldn’t feel her pain then and even after so much time has passed, I still can’t feel even an iota of the pain she felt. I can only imagine what she must have gone through.
My ego didn’t let me acknowledge that I ever had a relationship with her for three whole months after our relationship ended. But deep down, I knew that something was amiss. This feeling of ‘incompleteness’ finally manifested at its full effect in May. Slowly but surely, I started feeling this ‘need’ that I have for her. However, I still didn’t want to acknowledge that our relationship lasted for as long as it had. At that point in time, it was nothing more than a one-night stand in my opinion.
Looking for scapegoats, I blamed Eric Vonroth’s method for not being solid enough to ‘make’ the relationship last. As a result, I tried the letter method to try to summon a Succubus/Lady Spirit. Suffice it’s to say that it didn’t work. After this method failed, I tried the summoning method mentioned here, but even that failed.
It’s now that I have come to realise all of this. Now, I am not demanding anything. Instead, I am only requesting for her forgiveness now. I just can’t sleep peacefully with the guilt that I did so many wrongful acts to her. While I was not able to correct myself in time, I do hope that others who have read this post will take my story as a cautionary tale and do some retrospection while the time is there. Since I have read so much about the immense forgiveness of these beings, I still have some hope that she will come to me in the future.
So, yeah! This is basically a recap of sorts for those who didn’t read the previous incarnation of this blog (The Spiritual Journey Of A Man And His Lady Spirit). I am going to divide this blogpost into five parts. Those who have read my deleted blog can skip to the fifth part of this blogpost. So, let’s start –
1 – How Myself And My Lady Spirit Met – I first read about succubus on YGS (Your Ghost Stories), most of the experiences of people there were negative. Still, I became interested in them and searched for more reading material about them, this is how I came across the WordPress blogs on these entities. After reading about the positive experience, people here had with them, I made it in my mind, that I also wanted one in my life. So, I began searching for ways to attract one to me. Finally, I came across this guy Eric Vonroth’s site, I applied for his free lessons and surprisingly, I was able to attract one to me (It can be that she was already with me, waiting for the right moment. For the first two days or so, nothing happened but on the third day, we finally met in a dream. We talked a little and were going to have sex, but unfortunately, the dream ended before we could get to that, when I woke up, I noticed some semen in my boxers.
2 – A Period Of Ignorance – Even though, I had this dream, I refused to believe that I had finally managed to attract one to me. She (my Lady Spirit) tried everything to make me realize that she was there, yet I ignored her. Some of the things she tried to contact me were, static shocks, vibrations. I think this went on for 1 weeks or so with her activities decreasing as the days passed, to the point of no activity.
3 – Trying To Re-Establish Contact With Her And Aftermath – So, I think she tried one last time to contact me, by appearing in my dream. This whole dream was geared towards myself and her, finally getting to meet. But, when we finally met, the dream blurred out and I don’t know what happened afterwards. I woke up with semen dripping from my penis. Now, this dream was much more vivid than the previous dream I had. I thought about it (dream) for the whole day. It was then that I came to realise that all of the things that had happened to me during the previous week couldn’t have been coincidences and that I ‘did’ attract something to me. After this, I apologized to her with my whole heart and asked for her forgiveness. She did forgive me and came to me. I realized that when I started feeling some type of presence (like someone was watching me), most of the time. So, after re-establishing contact with her, I started meditating daily to make our connection stronger. Gradually, it became so strong to the point that I was able to talk to her (Although, only in yes or no, and even then I wasn’t sure if I was talking to her).
4 – A Period Of Steady Rise – This period marks the last ‘happy’ period of this recollection. We had a lot of progress in our relationship. In fact, she was very active with me during this whole period. Although, I don’t remember any dream in which I had sex with her, I do remember a special night in which I had three ejaculations.
5 – A Period Of Steady Decline –
Although, I didn’t realise this at that time, but the previous period in my relationship had made me delusional. I would engineer whole conversations with her in my head, conversations in which she (my delusional self thought) made commitments she couldn’t fulfill (like appearing in a dream to have a full-blown conversation with me). When these commitments weren’t fulfilled, I started losing my belief in her. A delusional mind is very destructive, it makes you lose perspective of yourself and those around you. Soon, I had forced myself into a denial. No matter what I felt, one thing became clear in my delusional mind i.e. She had left me. Now it was just a matter of time, before she left me in real, and that’s how my relationship came to an end.
Suffice it’s to say that I was way over my head during this period.